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Jersey Toons

A lighthearted introduction to some very serious matters

Over the past wee while I have been provoked, or inspired, or even "commissioned/requested", to do some visual cartoons relating to what is going on in Jersey (CI). I have tweeted and blogged these in their context but I figured it might be interesting to bring them all together in one place. A sort of a Jersey Toon Gallery.

The cartoon originals are different sizes. I have limited the maximum height to 600 pixels, which should fit comfortably on a computer screen and allow a fair amount of detail. Some of the pictures are smaller and this is determined by the size of the originals of some of the components nicked off the internet.

As some of the images are quite wide, you should close your favourites/bookmarks for the duration.

Stuart Syvret

Starting with Stuart who is at the centre of all of what is going on in Jersey at the moment. He has just been released from prison and not for the first time. At one stage they got him for an inadvertent slightly out of date driving licence. This time it was for contempt of court, particularly when he didn't turn up to the hearing.

However, that is all a technicality. He went to prison because he is revealing the abuse of power in Jersey and part of this is his refusal to recognise a judicial process which is unbelievably corrupt and which has a track record that would fill the Encyclopedia Britannica.

Stuart's Blog

This is La Moye prison, in St. Brelade's near the capital St. Helier, where Stuart was incarcerated. There has been a campaign on Twitter and elsewhere for his release, but you have to ask yourself whether, at this point in time, he would be more effective in prison than out of it.

His being effectively a political prisoner adds tremendous weight to his message and pageviews on his blog, which had not been active since 4 November 2013 when he was imprisoned, have been running at 300 - 500 a day. His blog posts are an invaluable documentary source testifying to the corruption of the Island's administration, legislature and judicial system.

Stuart's Blog

You may note that La Moye describes itself as PRIVATE PROPERTY. It is, in fact, public property in that it is owned by the State. However, the ruling cast in Jersey seem to consider the whole State part of their own private holdings to be used for their own benefit, without accountability to the people of the Island.

Mrs. Windsor's Privateers

Philip Bailhache

Philip Bailhache is the man who runs Jersey. Well, at least he is the front man. The real movers and shakers in this shady fuedal fiefdom are not always obvious, though the number of places they can hide is being slowly eroded by the courageous exposure of their dastardly deeds by Jersey's bloggers and some outside media.

Jersey, along with the other Channel Islands, was occupied by the Nazis during WWII and it has never really recovered from that shock to its system. The ghost of Hitler still haunts the island.

This cartoon, well, at least some controversy around it, has now made the pages of the Jersey Evening Post. The Jersey Finance Minister is giving out to another member of Parliament for retweeting it and JEP are having a go at me for looting a dead German soldier's body.

Philip on Wiki

As the Island's administration comes under pressure, one response has been to consider a break for "independence". At present the Island is a Crown Dependency, responsible only to Queen Elizabeth, who has delegated most of her functions in relation to the Island to her UK Justice Minister. It is hard to see how independence would benefit the oligarchy as the UK seems unwilling, in any event, to face up to its responsibilities to ensure good governance on the Island. So, as long as this situation lasts, the current orligarchy have a free hand anyway, even if they have to keep up certain appearances of decency and democracy along the way.

The Emperor's New Clothes

William Bailhache

William is Philip's brother, and between them they have held most of the important offices in the island's administration. William is currently Deputy Bailiff but will become Bailiffe when the current occupant Michael Birt retires. He is depicted here, in the style of Neville Chamberlain, waving a piece of paper "signed by a judge". The administration have been trying to get Stuart Syvret's blog, then hosted by Blogger, taken down since 2008, but without any success. Stuart has recently gone to prison for refusing to take down certain posts exposing murder and child abuse.

As a result of Stuart's conviction, on foot of an abusive use of data protection legislation, the administration now has a judgement against him requiring him to take down the posts, which he has refused to do. Waving this piece of "legal" paper seems to have done the trick as Google have now taken Stuart's blog down.

Check out the JEPest report.

Ian Le Marquand

Ian Le Marquand is the Island's current Justice Minister. He apparently had his eye on the Finance portfolio but he got stuck in Justice. His powers of obfustication fit him admirably for the job, at least in the short term. His answers to parliamentary questions are a breath of fog, peasoup variety, and have so far been impenetrable to the questioning of those few parliamentarians on the Island who give a damn. He treats the Chamber with complete contempt and is therefore, for the moment, a happy man.

Ian on Wiki

He is the political head of the Judicial system in Jersey. In case you don't appreciate the full meaning of this, it is important to point out that the state system in Jersey is one big maw. There is no effective separation of powers between legislature, government and judiciary, and the same characters can be seen constantly in the revolving door between these various functions. Le Marquand has been quite firm, for example, in defending the politically expedient suspension (effectively dismissasl) of the Island's Chief of Police, who was booted out of office by Le Marquand's predecessor, when the predecessor's predecessor resigned rather than sack the Police Chief. Told you it was complicated.

This is the inside of La Moye prison where the Justice Minister has definitely not come to visit Stuart Syvret, former Health Minister, Senator and Father of the House.

This picture of the Justice Minister in his pyjamas in a cell in La Moye, refers to the deportation three years ago of a vulnerable lady who was abused by a known churchwarden abuser and when she complained was booted off the Island in her nightwear and left destitute on the street of Southampton on the mainland. The Justice Minister has been very strong in his defence of the disgusting behaviour of the Island's civil and church authorities in this case. The abuser is a brother of one of the most powerful men on the Island. Nuff said.

After the Police Chief was dismissed his wife appeared at the Justice Minister's office to serve a legal notice. Her intention was to deliver it personally to the Justice Minister, who unfortunately detained himself in the toilet for a number of hours, so the notice had to be delivered to one of his civil servants.

This one celebrates a piece of legal history which took place not in the court but in the Island's Parliament. When the Justice Minister was asked to review the decision of his predecessor to sack the Police Chief, he declined, on the basis that he was a corporation sole, at one with his predecessor so to speak, and could therefore not review the decision. Load of legal cobblers, but he is getting away with it so far. These people do as they like and there is no redress, at least not in the short term, which on a feudal island could mean centuries.

Liar, liar, pants on fire. This one was produced on request from some astute observers of the Jersey scene.

Oh Dear.

I love Private Eye. I have to say that cause I nicked their cartoon. But seriously ...

Private Eye

What a vain man, and so badly advised.

No Duds for the Dude

Guignol de la Garenne: Le Marquand is also the political head of the States of Jersey Police. He is in the shoes of Wendy Kinnard, a previous Justice Minister who resigned rather than sack the Chief of Police. Well, maybe she was pushed. Anyway, Andrew Lewis took over from her and did the needful. Le Marquand has succeeded him and is in a constant flap trying to keep the scandal under wraps. Haut de la Garenne is the most high profile location in which children were abused over decades.

The police chief was sacked for (i) refusing to collaborate in the sacking of the then Health Minister, Stuart Syvret, who had begun poking around in the entrails of the abuse, (ii) not reining in the Deputy Police Chief who was fearlessly investigating past abuses, including those at Haut de la Garenne, and (iii) being too close to bringing charges which would have enormously ambarrassed the oligarchy.

Le Marquand is tasked with keeping the lid on all of this, and, to shamelessly mix my metaphors, the wheels are beginning to come off, not least thanks to the island's bloggers. Hence the constant flapping and breathing fog. A rabbit caught in the headlights.

Incidentally, the helmet is the most recent issue to the States of Jersey Police. Always best to stay as up to date as possible in these matters.

While I have cast him as a buffoon, Bob Hill, whose judgement I respect, has credited him with the potential to appear on the UK TV series "Strictly Come Dancing". And I'll have to give Bob his day. Bob's actual quote was: "I am told that Senator Le Marquand has been specially chosen for the next 'Strictly Come Dancing' series on the strength of his ability to side step everything that comes before him."

Twinkle Toes

Philip Ozouf

Philip Ozouf is Jersey's Finance Minister. He is therefore responsible, at political level, for the administration's spending (including on the data protection fiasco) and for the island's enormous and secretive financial sector. He is generally seen as a puppet of the Front-of-house Führer, Senator Philip Bailhache. His credible impersonation of Blackadder, along with his assistant minister Baldrick Noel, above, appears in a post entitled "I have a cunning plan" on Rico Sorda's blog.

That post is the third element in a series where Rico is exploring the machinations behind the attempt by the oligarchy to dump Planning Minister Duhamel. The Minister, in the course of carrying out his duties, has exposed a serious flaw, or some might say a badly needed protection, in the cabinet structure of the Jersey government. There are no political parties in Jersey; the ministerial cabinet structure has evolved from one where, what would elsewhere be ministerial functions, were carried out by parliamentary committees; so individual ministers are appointed by the States (parliament) and effectively responsible to it. There are no formal provisions in law for cabinet co-responsibility, so each minister is in complete control of his department subject only to such control as the parliament itself might choose to invoke (eg sacking him). This commenter on Rico's blog has put it very succinctly.

In this particular case, where Minister Duhamel has insisted on exclusive control over planning decisions, and taken some that have not pleased the oligarchy, the Chief Minister has found himself in a dilemma. He has to put up or shut up, and, given that the Front-of-house Führer goes apeshit when someone crosses him, Ozouf can't afford to shut up. As his behind the scenes machinations have come badly unstuck, the only way he can now act against Minister Duhamel is to try and get the States to sack him. And that is just what he is trying to do, with, he hopes, the full connivance of the Finance Minister and his acolyte. Stay tuned.

Emma Martins

This lady, real life daughter of the fictional Jersey detective Bergerac, is in charge of data protection. She implements the existing perverse and defective legislation with a will. She goes out into the highways and byways to find those who consider their data has been infringed. She would protect a full stop if she could find an owner for it. She orchestrated the recent court case which has landed Stuart in prison.


Tim Dakin

Tim Dakin is the current CofE Bishop of Winchester. What's he doing here? Well Jersey is sort of in the Winchester Diocese and the Bishop now has his hands full dealing with the the personal, political, constitutional and religious fallout of the case of the deported lady referred to above. The lady in question sees him as a wrecker in the tradition of his predecessor. Hence the wrecking ball (on request).

A further popular-culture development of the wrecking ball theme. I think it illustrates the Bishops delicate position perfectly. The nudity was my idea, and mine alone.

Wrecking Ball

Winchester Cathedral, like Ozymandias, is in danger of becoming a ruin, reminding us of how the Church lost the message and will share the fate of that other monument in stone.

Two vast and trunkless legs of stone


There was an expectation in certain quarters that in my next cartoon (this one) I would chase the Bishop up a lamp post. However, in their composition these things take on a life of their own and the above is the result. You can figure out the symbolism for yourself. Having done it, it reminded me of Robert Emmet's head on a spike outside St. Catherine's church in Dublin's Thomas St. in 1803

Pour décourager les autres

This one was requested by a very courageous and wronged lady. She is not responsible for the details, just the concept. She is also responsible for the bishop being clothed rather than naked as was my original plan. So the bishop has much to be thankful to her for.

I think the knickers are early 20th century French, or "les knickers" as they are colloquially known in that country (and possibly even in Jèrriais). The Jersey branch of the Church of England is said to be thinking of looking for a new diocese and this piece of divarsion by the bishop may be designed to give them a flavour of the Folies Bergères without the trouble of moving.

I remarked to HG that, as the Winchester diocese seemed to be useless both on the mainland and in Jersey, they might as well pack up their tent and go home. She hinted that she might have a use for the tent to sleep out in the Bishop's garden. I thought that, with her growing following, a marquee might be more appropriate and that's what you have above. She is thinking of a fundraiser for the homeless (her) and the tea bag fund (hers). I wish her every success.

It appears that the Good Lord has now taken a hand in this controversy. Following the transfer of the Jersey Deanery out of Winchester to Canterbury, under Bishop Trevor Wilmot, Winchester is still in trouble. In the first of the possible seven plagues, it is now faced with being flooded out if the newly erected flood barriers don't hold. This is critical for Bishop Tim, who, in the event of their failure, may join King Canute, reputed to be buried in this very spot.

Check it out.

Bob Key

It was the Dean of Jersey who complained the vulnerable abused lady to the police, and this led to her deportation from the Island. That was three years ago. A recent enquiry commissioned by the Bishop of Winchester led to him suspending the Dean, until he found he didn't have the authority to do so. The Dean had an anachronistic hold on his office direct from the Queen of England, who is also head of the Church of England. The Jersey oligarchy took great glee in cocking a snoot at the Bishop, and the whole matter is now ping-ponging between Jersey and Winchester, as a second commissioned report, this time by Dame Heather Steel, is nearing completion. My own view is that is should have been the Dean in court, and not the lady known as HG, hence the above image.

A Dame for All Seasons

By special request, the Dean as Jabba the Hutt.

Rob Averty

Rob Averty is the Jersey Churchwarden at the centre of the young lady's complaint. He took her into his family and sort of treated her like a sort of daughter. This should not have happened as he was supposed to have been chaperoned, rather than being left alone in the presence of a woman, in view of earlier inappropriate behaviour.

I understand that he is no longer Churchwarden and the Dean of Jersey, the Bishop of Winchester and the Archbishop of Canterbury, have all apologised, in one way or another, over the handling of the young lady's complaint. My own view is that the apologies are not worth the paper they were written on. While they were clearly an admission of church culpability, none of them was made directly to the young lady, now destitute somewhere on the mainland, and they have more of an air of ticking boxes than of any real empathy or regret. In particular, the absence of a firm purpose of amendment (as it is known in the Roman Catholic confessional) makes a mockery of the Church of England's professed concern over the young lady's fate. If you have a mind to, you can read the young lady's blog here, but be prepared for a fairly harrowing read. A brief summary of what happened in Jersey and subsequently is here.

John Averty

John Averty, Rob's brother, is a very important person in Jersey. He is Chairman and CEO of the Guiton Group who own the Jersey Evening Post, the island's only "newspaper", and he is Vice Chairman of the Jersey Financial Services Commission (the regulating body of Jersey's enormous financial sector). It would be an exaggeration to say that nothing happens in Jersey without his say so, but, on the other hand there are many things that do not happen in Jersey with his say so.

The cartoon above will have meaning for those who know what it means. For the rest it is just one of those old Ho Ho Santy Clauses.

Jersey Evening Post

The Twitter limit of 140 characters (that's letters not people) per tweet can be a bit of a problem when you want to get a complex story across. The Jersey Evening Post (JEP) is also a problem but for a host of different reasons. It is Jersey's only "newspaper" and a crap one at that. It is owned, both literally and metaphorically by the oligarchy, and in particular by John Averty, one of the most powerful men in Jersey.

I just thought that using the Twitter graphic facility where you can attach a picture to your tweet at a cost of between 20 and 30 characters killed two birds with the one stone. You get your story across and hopefully annoy the hell out of the JEP. Hence the above graphic which I have tweeted around the place. I expect to do more in the future according as the inspiration smites.

I have once more made the pages of the Jersey Evening Post. The last occasion was in 1961, while living in Jersey, when I suggested that one of the German watchtowers should be turned into a museum of the occupation. I was blasted out of it by some Colonel Blimp type and had to write a second letter, under my English language name and from my Irish address, in support of myself. Both letters were published and I still have copies.

This time I'm in the news because Trevor Pitman, a Deputy in the Jersey Parliament, favourited a tweet I did taking the mickey out of their new foreign minister, Senator Sir Philip (the Puppeteer) Bailhache. The Finance Minister warned Trevor to watch himself and it looks like he may be complained to the Privileges Committee of Parliament. The Post are already in the process of bankrupting him through a corrupt judicial system, so they lost no time having a go at him on this one. Given their low reporting standards I thought I'd do a proper follow up report myself.

The JEP's own article

The current constitutional impasse between Jersey (church and state) on the one hand and the CofE Winchester Diocese on the other, has really no easy solution. It is not just a political problem. The legal and constitutional situation is conflicted, with two apparently equal legal claims pitched against one another. CofE Jersey is part of the Winchester Diocese, so you would expect that bishop to have authority over the Dean of Jersey. But, the Dean is separately appointed by the Monarch and has also certain state functions on the island. These conflicting threads all lead back to the Monarch who is both head of state of the UK and of the Crown Dependency of Jersey. She is also the head of the Church of England. So resolution of the problem must ultimately be at the level of the Monarchy. Hence the proposal to make Jersey a separate diocese with the current Dean elevated to the resulting bishopric.

When the Bishop of Winchester announced that he would not be taking any disciplinary action as a result of the findings of the, as yet unfinished, Steel report, this was jumped on by the authorities in Jersey, both clerical and lay, who jubilantly announced that the Dean had been exonerated.

Others wondered how the Bishop could make such an unequivocal statement on the basis of a report which was still in the making and had not yet been submitted. My own feeling is that, quite simply, the Bishop now knows that he does not have the authority to discipline anyone on the island, and he, therefore, does not need to await the completion of the report to make his announcement. His statement, therefore, has nothing at all to do with exonerating the Dean. It is simply an admission of defeat by the Bishop. Silly man.

The true story of the Pitmans, referred to earlier, and the Jersey Evening Post.

John Averty, Guiton Group and Jersey Financial Services Commission.
It's never too late to make amends.

Leigh LaFon, @DenverElle, the scourge of the Jersey abusers and cover uppers. Never sleeps, well almost never, and then it's newsworthy.

Just a little bit of wishful thinking. Having another go at the JEP, giving the Pope something useful to do, exposing the hollowness of the Bailhache/Ozouf axis, and keeping Stuart out of jail. No harm dreaming.

The Pest bringing you the latest on the administration's attempt to take out Stuart's blog.

States of Jersey

The States of Jersey is the name given to the Jersey Parliament. It is an odd structure comprising Senators (elected on an island wide basis), Deputies (elected in constituencies corresponding to the parishes), Constables (elected in their parishes to police the parish but with an ex-officio seat in the parliament), the Bailiff (unelected, appointed by UK Queen and with ex-officio seat - also chairs the assembly), the Dean of the Jersey branch of the Church of England (ex-officio seat).

There have been a very few independent minded parliamentarians over the years (examples: Stuart Syvret, Bob Hill, Trevor & Shona Pitman) but the assembly normally behaves like a flock of sheep and does the bidding of the Oligarchy.

Penny Postcards

In the old days, there was the tradition of the penny poscards, particularly at seaside resorts. These were usually a little more daring than what you would get away with in your national or local newspaper, and it was always great fun to send one home where it would cause a bit of a fuss. They usually showed excessively well endowed ladies, and the not very pretty ones were usually the wife or the mother in law.

The one above was one of my favourites with it's slightly daring spoonerism. It just struck me as a perfect fit for two of the conspirators in the current Jersey Syvret blog saga. In this context, it is interesting to note that the doctor is a poor communicator and that the nurse will follow instructions no matter how outrageous.

A Christmas Quiz

This is a Jersey political quiz. If you are not following Jersey politics, forget it. For those who are, the question is who are the three Santas above? The answer will be posted on Christmas morning. Meanwhile, have fun.

The answer to the quiz is below. I hope a good few of you got it. I no soonser had it up than @DenverElle was in with some clues that showed she read it like a book. Not surprising really given her intense involvement and active support for human rights in Jersey. Happy Christmas Leigh.

A little Quiz

If you want to take part in a little quiz, here is a question.

What have Ian Le Marquand and Emma Martins in common?

To see the answer click here, but first give it some thought.

The answer can be worked out from the text and the links on this page.

Good Luck. You won't be disappointed.

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