An old Cavan man calls up his son in London and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in New York and tell her," and he hangs up.
Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister in New York.
She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up.
The old Cavan man turns to his wife and says "Okay, they’re coming for Christmas ........... AND paying their own airfare."
(with thanks to Seán Ó hÉigeartaigh.)