In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies that protocol decrees (gin and tonics, cucumber sandwiches etc.), the retiring colonel said,
"You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Skinner. He's my right-hand man. He's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."
Skinner was summoned and introduced to the new C.O., who was surprised to meet a humpbacked, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall.
"Skinner, old man, tell your new C.O. about yourself."
"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events, and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight boxing division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of....."
The colonel interrupted,
"Yes, yes, never mind that Skinner, he can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to fuck off."
(with thanks to Vivion Mulcahy.)