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The following communique has been received from the European Commission.

"The European Commission has just announced the agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. After consultation with all the Member States, however, the Commission has agreed that English spelling has some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that which will be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year the letter 'S' will replace the soft 'C'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.The hard 'C' will be dropped in favour of the 'K'. This should klear up konfusion and komputerkeyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'PH' will be replaced with the letter 'F'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double leters which have always been a deterent to akurat speling. Also al wil agree that the horible mes of the silent 'E' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replacing the 'TH' with 'Z' end 'W' wiz 'V'.

During ze fifz yer ze unesesary 'O' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'OU' end similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After ziz fifz yer ve vil hav a rali sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru!!"

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